Who pays for dinner?
If you have wondered about how things should work on a date are so very different from how actually they occur; you aren’t the only on. Here are a few things that have been collated from valuable experiences that spell how most likely how things work in general when it comes to women and dating:
People in general, male or female intuitively know when they are being “pursued”. As soon as we know that we have something that someone else wants, the price starts to go up.
When the price starts going up (translation: she realizes that you really like her and she starts playing hard to get, making you “prove” yourself, etc.) you start to lose control rapidly.
When you lose control, you have a couple of basic ways you can respond: A) Pursue her harder, giving her even MORE control OR B) Giving up. (Neither of these options sounds very good to me.)
An alternative is to NEVER START GIVING UP CONTROL IN THE FIRST PLACE.
One way to do that is to stay away from things that put a woman into the “courting” mode of thinking and behavior.
Asking a woman to dinner and then buying that is probably the absolute most certain way to put a woman in the state of mind that she is being “pursued” (with the possible exception of stalking her, which I strongly discourage).
Incidentally, or not so incidentally, having an attitude that you need something other than yourself in order for a woman to like you is UNATTRACTIVE to women. They can smell this kind of attitude and lack of self worth. Bad, bad, bad.
So how do you make a dinner offer to a lady without sending any confusing signals. So what should you do instead?”
Well, first off, if you absolutely can’t help yourself and you just have to take a woman to dinner, at least frame it as “I want to go out to this favorite restaurant of mine, and if you’d like to go you’re welcome to join me.” Then if you decide to pay it can be something you were doing for yourself, and you were being polite by paying for hers. If you do this, make it clear that you’re there because you want to go there, and it’s not to court her!
A much better idea is to be creative and avoid all of the things that scream “I’m willing to spend money to have your attention” (and therefore driving the price of that attention up).
Why not a walk in the park? Going to an art show? Going window shopping in an interesting part of town? Taking her with you to run errands? Taking her to a party that friends are throwing?
Here’s a hint: Do something that has interesting conversation and excitement built in. Sitting at a dinner table alone with someone that you don’t know is hardly “interesting conversation built in” anyway. Think about it. Take a moment right now and think of 10 things you could do with a woman that cost little or no money, but have all kinds of interesting conversation, adventure, excitement built right in.
Then, just do some of those things! Don’t advertise the fact that you’re not “taking her out to dinner”, just don’t d it.
Hey, this is great… you get to have fun, not look like a wuss, not put her in “courting” mode, and have interesting conversation built right in.